Moderator: Super Moderators
Batgirl III wrote:A bell curve avoids the Lake Woebegone effect, where all the children are above average. That's all that I meant.
Batgirl III wrote:
This purpose of this notice is to instruct newly initiated templars on appropriate measures for handling the annual visitation by the vile abomination known to the unworthy as Santa Claus.
As the diligent will recall, the incursion occurs regularly every twelve months, roughly corresponding to a lunar year. This trespass has occurred with disturbing regularity since at least the fall of Tevinter Empire, and perhaps longer, as many records were misplaced.
The faithful will recognize the target on sight, as his garb and pariphenlia mark him immediately as an apostate and abominations.
Santa Claus is a corpulent, bloated creature which bears only a faint resemblance to its original human form. It wears a crimson tunic the color of fresh blood, marking him as a possible host of a Rage Demon. It is bearded, mocking the honorable dwarves of Orzammar, and its hair is a sallow shade of grey, betraying its unnatural age. Be advised that despite the creatures fearsome name, no claws have been observed, and the moniker is likely a ruse.
The target has been observed in the company of dozens of elves of unknown clan or lineage. Santa Claus is conveyed by means of a small aravel pulled by eight or nine creates known to the elves as halla. These beings single-mindedly pull the target's vehicle during its yearly invasion. They are outfitted with belled harnesses which are apparently magically imbued with the ability of flight. These creatures have been known to shed a luminous substance resembling lyrium as they move. Templars should take care to avoid exposure.
Perhaps more disturbing is the variable number of the minion-creatures. On occasion, a ninth halla has been observed, placed before the other halla. This singular creature radiates a sickly reddish glow from its snout, as a spiritual beacon to other followers of the abomination.
Santa Claus gains entry to the domiciles of innocent Freemen across Ferelden and leaves small trinkets to tempt the faithful awat from the pure worship of the Maker.
Templars are reminded to confiscate and incinerate these items before any lasting damage is done. By means of unknown magical process some form of temporal distortion field is in effect around the abomination, and Santa Claus is able to deposit his trinkets into the homes spread far across Ferelden in a single night. The senior enchanters of the Circle of Magi swear that such magics are impossible, but the evidence of this abomination's activities is clear. Templars shoudl be advised to enter homes in their localities before the freemen become aware of the heresy that has been visited upon them, to confiscate and incinerate these leavings.
In other cases, removal of the items after the freemen have discovered them is possible. In such cases, small children are occasionally loath to surrender the items, as the tainting of the juveniles has already begun. Executions of the above are to be handled in the most expedient manner possible.
Santa Claus enters the homes of the freemen be way of cimneys, fireplaces, and ovens. The size of the opening is not a factor, as the creature can adjust its weight and size by means of blood magic manipulation of its own form. Laying traps in these opennings - such a a furrier might lay for bear or wolves - has proven successful.
The abomination leaves the home by the same means, after ritually caressing his nostrils. No mucus has ever been recovered.
Although all previous attempts at the destruction of Santa Claus have failed, Templars are urged to make such an attempt whenever possible.
However, of more importance is the suppression of cultist activity associated with the yearly incursion. The heretics have been known to erect shrines in their homes in the form of shrubbery adorned with baubles and lights (Note: the shrubbery is often highly inflammable, and offers discrete method of executing the offending heretics without calling undue attention to the templar). Other warning signs include: hallucinations involving sugered candies during slumber (evidence of Sloth Demon activity); excessive singing (evidence of Pride Demons); obessive playing of drums by little boys in the presence of infants (a sure sign of Rage Demon possession); the performance of lustful rituals while underneath plant clippings (clear sign of a Lust Demon); and the construction of effigies made of snow (in mockery of the works of the Maker).
Once again, executions should be handled in an expedient manner.
--Excerpt from a letter sent by a senior templar in Redcliffe to his initiates, 7:73 Storm
Riggswolfe wrote:Ladyhawke as Dark Fantasy? I love that movie but it's more romantic fantasy than Dark Fantasy.
Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 2 guests